23 Jun Healthy Relationships
We all want healthy relationships that bring out the best in both ourselves and our partners. Yet, sometimes the relationships aren’t what we expected. We begin to see traits of our partner we are uncomfortable with. He or she does things that make us feel tense or on edge. Previous Instagram posts have highlighted some of these things. For example, checking your mobile phone and messages or logging into your social media accounts without your permission. Or perhaps they are constantly criticising you and telling you, you are wrong.
Often, we deny the uncomfortableness or the tension we feel inside ourselves. We figure, perhaps they are right, and it really is us that is at fault. Or we think, we just have to try harder.
It is important you trust your intuition! If you believe there may be a problem in your relationship you are probably right. Do not ignore warning signs by thinking you should try harder. Research has found those who tend to engage in relationship violence escalate their abuse over time.
What are the signs you should be concerned about?
- Excessive jealousy from your partner.
- Constant checking in with you or making you check in with him or her
- Attempts to isolate you from friends and family
- Insulting or putting down people you care about
- Is too serious about the relationship too quickly
- Has had a lot of bad prior relationships and blames all the problems on the previous partners
- Is very controlling – such as giving your orders, telling you what to wear and trying to make all the decisions for you
- Blames you when he or she treats you badly by telling you all the ways you provoked him or her
- Doesn’t take responsibility for their own actions
- Has an explosive temper and gets angry quickly
- Pressures you into sexual activity you are not comfortable with
- Has a history of fighting, hurting animals or brags about mistreating other people
- Believes strongly in stereotypical gender roles for females and males
- You worry about how your partner will react to the things you say, or you are afraid of provoking your partner
- Refuses to let you end the relationship
What can you do if you notice these signs in your relationship?
- Spend time with people you care about other than your partner.Stay in touch with your friends.
- Keep up with activities you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself
- Talk to a trust friend, better still find a counsellor, support person who can assist you.
- Most importantly, trust yourself.
 Stephanie McGhee, Graduate Student, Human Development & Family Studies, University of Missouri-Columbia